Paranoid

I did my PAP SMEAR in October. I've been waiting for the result ever since. Dap dup dap dup. This morning I received a call. It's from the clinic where I took the test. Dap dup dap dup dap dup. Enough of the dap dup thing!

Nurse: Assalamualaikum. Ni Puan Munirah ka?
Me: Ya saya.
Nurse : Result Pap Smear puan dah keluaq dah.
Me: Hah? Ya ka?
Nurse: Ya. Puan punya result ada sikit....
Me: (Secepat kilat aku mencelah) Sikit apa?
Nurse: Ada sikit jangkitan kuman.
Me: Pheewww. Lega. Alhamdulillah.

I was thinking only bad thing when she said  'ada sikit'. My mak succumbed to cancer in 2002. My life has never been the same. I was living in paranoid for the past few years after she's gone. It's not a good thing to do. It's not the kind of life that I should be living in. I always freak out when I sense that something is wrong with me. After years, the feeling is getting less and lesser. Not that I don't get paranoid easily anymore. It's just that, I get to control my anxiety level. Before this, I have to do a routine check up around my house before I go to sleep every night for about not less than five to six times until I'm satisfied. That does not includes checking the iron and the stove for a couples of times before we go out during the day. Ada few times we have to turn back just to ensure that I really really have already switch off everything in the house. It's very frustrating and tiring.

How do I deal with it.
Before we  go out, I will say out loud like ' Mone dah tutup iron dah abang' or 'Mone dah tutup api dah abang'. I will still go on checking around the house for a couple of times before my CP locked the door. As soon as we get into the car, I will definitely asked him again ' Mone tutup dak lagi iron?'. Since he heard what I said before in the house, he'll say yes, and I don't have nothing to worry about anymore.

My level of anxiety is very  high. I took a test last year, and yes I have a problem . I admit it. I learn how to deal with it. As time goes by, I think I'm ok now and I'll do just fine. InshaAllah.